I go through so many emotions in 24 hours that sometimes I am not sure if I should share my mood. I do miss religiously sitting on a mat and take an hour to two a day for myself. I realize how selfish I am as an adult but yet, I give so much to the people I care that I become depleted and without oxygen.

I have been wanting to be alone for so long. To not have to go to a party or deal with traffic. I have asked for something that has come true without knowing. The end result is that I still do not want to deal with traffic but I would not mind getting super well dressed to go to a party or dinner with friends. It is so human to appreciate what we had instead of what is here now. I know this and I still struggle. I know that if I make time to be on my mat for 30 minutes I will feel so happy I will hug the fish in the sea. I know that I need to meditate and I know I have to stick to a routine. Yet, the mind… goes again… sabotaging the I. Sabotaging the ego, the expectations and even the health of the physical body.

It is surreal that after 37 years, the mind can trick you to think that what you had was better. As soon as the body is sick, the mind reminds you that you lived in a place with sunny skies year round. As soon as the kid gets sick, the mind tells you that you had contacts that will make your hospital experience so much more pleasant. As you realize the amount of bureaucracy that is required when you want to open a business, the mind tells you how easy it is to have an LLC in the US. However, is this real? In moments of serenity I understand that this is just Maya or the illusion of our reality. Just a perception of what we process in our minds, what we think we see and how we chose to live.

Last week, one of the most pure yogis came to visit me and she taught our daughter a song that I have continuously in my head. I want to think of this song as a two way street. Where the one I am singing to my daughter is the story that SHE wants to create with the marionnettes. I also want to remind myself that we are here to experience another way of living, not better, not superior because we are cool. Just to open our minds to a bigger spectrum of realities. Realities that work, that made societies efficient in some ways, more human, more family oriented and if I may…lazy in some others. I want to think that we chose not to be the marionnettes. We, chose to write a different story and not sing “marionnettes, recommencez” over and over again. As we used to see the days go by, accumulating things in such a stupid way that now we need to rent storage space. “Marionnettes, recommencez” so we could go on a 10 day vacation but still be plugged to our phones.

There is no right or wrong, we might say in  2 months that we want to go back to the life we had. Judgement? Why? As a friend told me today, if we go back to the US, we are for sure different people. Not better than the rest of the population, just different. With more scars and more notion of how to heal the wounds faster. We will be able to tell our daughter the good and the bad from two completely different societies and maybe, she will start at a younger age to appreciate both.

I do love the song, I sing pieces of it every now and then. I see her face lighting up when I move my hands. It is really cool. It is kind of the first story she is creating on her own… moving her hands and looking at me as I sing: